There are countless ways in which a marriage becomes hot and then cold or exhilarating and then dull. It’s safe to say that we all want out marriages to be more hot and exhilarating than resemblances of the exact opposite.
It’s not that difficult to keep a new marriage hot and exhilarating when couples are motivated to put all their energy into developing their relationship and continue to explore new ways to keep it exciting. The problems have a tendency to occur when the products of a successful relationship keep getting in the way. These products can include children, financial worries, job choices, and anything else that alters the original foundation of a relationship.
When a relationship becomes cold or dull it doesn’t necessarily mean that the marriage is broken and destined for the scrapheap. It is frequently the product of forgetting the basic elements of what made the marriage great to begin with; the beautiful smile, the loving touch, the night out for pizza and a movie or the simple look into the other’s eye that meant that the happy ending was somewhere in sight.
Life presents growth, which in marriage when it comes in the form of children means that suddenly the priorities of the wife and the husband have gone to being the priorities of the mother and the father. The beautiful smile is now tired and more of a frown, the loving touch is a poke in the middle of the night to get up and change the diaper, the night out for pizza and a movie is spaghetti at the dinner table with cartoons in the background; and that look into the other’s eye? Well, just isn’t there.
No, of course you’re not going to get rid of the kids. They are your most cherished and loved creatures in your lives. Financial worries? Well yes, you bought the new car, but you needed it. The new monthly car payment on top of the house payment is taking a serious hit on the monthly budget and makes you feel that all you are doing is contributing to the wellbeing of others and not yourselves. You know that’s not true but it doesn’t exactly make you both feel very good. The new job you took had all the elements you desired to help further your career but your boss has now shown you his true colours and that he is nothing more than a complete jerk.
Is your other half to be blamed for all of this perceived misery? Of course not. You both are still deeply in love with each other and the choices you have made have all been made for the right reasons. You’re just letting them affect your happy marriage.
What to do?
Make time for yourselves. Forget about all the issues that are on the outside of the intimacy of your marriage and be in the moment with each other. Here’s the challenge, get a babysitter for the kids and go out on a date and see how much fun you can have with only $25 in your pocket. Ok, make if $50. It doesn’t matter. The point is to don’t let any factor stand in your way of having a laugh and getting that look back in your eyes.